“Ye want yer hole, doll?”
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1. The one where Phoebe finds a thumb in a can of Irn-Bru, but doesn’t sue Barr because she’s “no a grass.”
2. The one where Joey and Chandler adopt a mangled city pigeon and a furious seagull.
3. The one where they’re all insufferable hipsters who hang out at Artisan Roast.
4. Apart from Joey, who’s a welder and part-time actor from Cumbernauld.
5. And Chandler, who’s a taxi driver and legendary patter merchant.
6. The one where Rachel gets a job in Mono.
7. The one where Rachel gets fired from Mono for accidentally putting beef in the vegan trifle.
8. The one where they all live in Merchant City despite making minimum wage.
9. The one where Phoebe reminisces about her past in the Y. Yoker Mad Squad.
10. The one where Joey gets a job as a bouncer at the 24-hour Greggs.
11. The one where Monica gets fired from Blue Lagoon for slipping Joey a free 10″ munchy box.
12. The one where Chandler’s dad absolutely kills it on stage at Delmonica’s.
13. And Chandler’s not embarrassed by him at all, because he’s heavy sound.
14. The one where Ross accidentally gets eccied oot his nut at his granny’s funeral.
15. The one where Rachel and Monica fall out because they both want to date Frankie Boyle.
16. The one where Gunther has an empty, but no one shows up because they think he’s a total bampot.
17. The one where Joey lands his dream job on River City.
18. The one where Joey gets fired from River City for having a behind-the-scenes threesome with Eileen and Gina.
19. The one in Maga (part one).
20. The one in Maga (part two).
21. The one where Monica starts dating millionaire Duncan Bannantyne.
22. Then breaks up with him because he’s a total fucking ringpiece.
23. The one where Joey gets a job playing John Barrowman’s butt double in an SECC panto.
24. The one where the SECC panto gets shut down for gratuitous nudity.
25. The one where Ross gets fired from Kelvingrove Museum after sticking the heid on someone for insulting Rangers.
26. The one where Leo the Silent Raver moves in with Chandler.
27. The one where Leo the Silent Raver won’t leave.
28. The one where Ross and Monica do the macarena with Elaine C. Smith on Hogmanay Live.
29. The one where the gang fall out because Joey, Phoebe, and Rachel can’t afford tickets to see Kevin Bridges at the Hydro.
30. The one where Ross goes to an open mic night at Box.
31. And everyone enjoys his terrible keyboard playing because they’re shitfaced on Brewdog lager.
32. The one where Rachel gets a job running a clothes stall doon the Barras.
33. But quits after being headhunted by Watt Brothers.
34. The one where Phoebe finds out her birth parents are actually The Krankies.
35. The one where Joey dresses entirely in Subaru clothing in an attempt to convince lassies that he owns a 2001 Impreza.
36. The one where Ross cheats on Rachel during a boozy night out in Kushion.
37. And then gets arrested for trying to feed sausage rolls to a police horse.
38. The one where Joey pretends he’s got a part in a movie, but he’s actually working as a caller at Springfield Quay Mecca Bingo.
39. The one where Rachel lands a job at Jenners in Edinburgh and no one will speak to her for a week.
40. The one where Ross gets a number 8 spray tan from HOT! and doesn’t look particularly out of place afterwards.
41. The one where Rachel’s car breaks down on the way to Xcape in Braehead.
42. The one with the dozen fritter rolls.
43. The one at Largs beach.
44. The one where Joey and Chandler leave Ben on the Number 8 First Bus to Springburn.
45. The one where Monica gets a job presenting STV Glasgow’s Tea For A Tenner section.
46. The one where Joey’s catchphrase is “ye want yer hole, doll?”
47. The one where Chandler and Monica move to Newton Mearns.